"The Family Jewels"
I suppose I should be writing about online business, but I'm not
in the mood. (Is September here, yet?) So, I thought I'd take
this week's issue to continue with a bit more of my personal
story.
It occurs to me, though, that I should first make you familiar
with my four kids - all born within 6½ years.
#1 - The Executive
The oldest girl refused to talk until she was 2-years-old.
Then, she spoke in full sentences. A month after her second
birthday, I brought her new sister home from the hospital and
she instantly hated her. Being #1 wasn't good enough. She
wanted to be the one and ONLY.
During the children's childhood, The Executive bossed everyone
around and planned all the riots and government over-throws in
the house. She was too smart for her own good, and thought she
should be allowed adult privileges at age 12.
At 14, she went to a rock concert after having been denied
permission. Then, rather than come home and face the THAT
music, she simply called her dad, told him I was going to kill
her and had him buy her a plane ticket. She got on that plane
and flew clear across the country to her dad's.
Unfortunately, we didn't have the Transportation Security
Administration (TSA) on guard at that time. It would have saved
me a trip to California to haul her butt home. Had I allowed
her to fly back alone, there was no doubt in my mind, she'd find
a way to escape my welcome at the gate.
Her teen years were bloody hell. Between my mother and her
daddy encouraging her, there was no stopping her - until she was
about 17. Then, she did a turn around - at least, outwardly.
She should have been a lawyer, but business law's “no fun” -
prosecutors "don't make any money" - and she couldn't make
herself defend criminals.
Instead she entered the risk management business and rose
through the ranks. She became the youngest person and the first
woman to become Manager of the Midwest region for her (extremely
large) company.
Today, She doesn't think I'm any smarter than I was when she was
13, but we can't win them all. She does think she's the Grand
Matriarch of the family, and I have to snatch my crown and
scepter back from her with some regularity.
#2 - The Ballerina
My second daughter is known as The Ballerina. As a child, she
danced everywhere she went. Short of tying her feet together,
there was nothing I could do for the teachers who complained
that she danced all day while sitting at her desk at school.
It was especially stressful to take her into a department store.
I remember the time she was doing arabesques through the lamp
department at Penny's, and I got to buy one. Damn thing
couldn't even be fixed.
I saw her come dancing down the street one evening, doing
pirouettes, and crash right into a light pole. Not that she
wasn't graceful. She simply broke lamps and crashed into things
with all the grace of a prima ballerina who was busy building
dreams in her head as she danced.
She also had that haughty attitude that appears to be the
expression on many ballerinas' faces. She was much too uppity
to involve herself in all of the antics of her sibs - which was
a break for me.
The Ballerina needs mirrors to live - and to practice swinging
her hair as she tosses her head. She will ALWAYS have mirrors
in her life. How else do you know if you don't appear perfect?
Of course, she always believed she was a foundling, and didn't
belong with the rest of us, anyway. The Executive had assured
her as soon as she was old enough to understand that she was
adopted. I truly believe, to this day, she believes that.
She was far and away the easiest of my kids as children. Now -
not so much. Today, she's a writer and actually gets paid for
it. Which is why I suspect she has a “Mommy Dearest” hidden
away under her mattress.
#3 - The Earth Mother
This child wasn't always known as The Earth Mother. During her
younger years, she was The Incredible Hulk. Not because of her
size. She's a tiny little thing.
But, she's mighty! At 5'3” she was MVP on her high school
girl's basketball team. At 11, the neighborhood coach for Pop
Warner football was on my front porch - repeatedly - BEGGING me
to allow her to play on his team, because, “She's the best
quarterback in the neighborhood.” The answer was - repeatedly -
“No,” which didn't sit well with The Hulk.
That was the same year a mother in the neighborhood showed up
with her son, demanding to know why my son beat up her kid.
I called my son and she told me, “No, it was ...” [daughter's
name - which can be either male or female]. So I called my
daughter.
When she came to the door, blond curls dancing and dimples
flashing, the mother very nearly beat up her OWN kid! She
jerked that kid off my porch and gave him hell all the way home.
However, one day The Incredible Hulk slammed the door to her
bedroom (It was the only way she could shut a door), and had
turned into The Earth Mother when she came out.
She's an incredible mother. As an adult, she has adopted two
little girls with special needs from China. She told me she
wanted the ones no one else would take. One's problems have
been corrected with multiple surgeries, but the other is
partially deaf, has aphasia and is autistic.
The Earth Mother practices Buddhism and keeps the traditions of
the girls' culture alive for them. I suspect she can still kick
the crap outta the kid across the street, though.
#4 - The Entertainer
My only son has been an entertainer since he was born. Once in
a while, he plays a bit of a villain but, luckily, that isn't
often. Mostly, he reminds people how much fun life can be.
As a little twerp, he would simply sit and point - like a little
king with three female servants. There were many times I know
those girls would have liked to snatch his head off, but he
always charmed his way back. Growing up with a mom and three
sisters did teach him about women. He gets us.
He was really a pretty good kid, although he DID run away, once.
His 7th grade school pictures arrived in the mail. And, there,
hanging out of his left ear was an earring! He had forgotten
to take it off and put it in his pocket - which is apparently
where he carried it when he was around me.
I called him at his friend's house where he'd gone after school.
I asked him exactly when he had put that hole in his ear, and
that he'd better PRAY that S.O.B. had grown together by the time
he got home.
He decided to give that some time, stowed away on the Amtrac
(Yes, it can be done), and went 200 miles away to another
friend's ranch. Luckily, the friend's dad saw fit to call me.
Probably didn't want a kid with an earring on his ranch, either!
The Entertainer is the only person I know who can have me
laughing until tears roll, my belly hurts and I have to beg him
to shut up. It's hard to go anywhere with him. He can instantly
morph into anyone he sees and proceed to walk, move, talk, and
even LOOK like that person.
I'm sure many a person has wondered at me snapping, “DON'T” as I
sense him start that first move on the street. But, I can't
trust him. He can be seriously politically incorrect about it.
Today, he's a dog trainer - which is an inherited trait from my
side of the family. Nine years in the Air Force got him a lot
of medals, commendations and trophies. At the end, he was
training both recruits AND dogs at Lackland Air Force Base.
Put Us All Together and ...
It's as if each one of those kids took some part of me and made
a caricature of it: the business woman, the dancer/writer, the
mother of the world and the animal lover/trainer.
We're a rowdy family. We laugh, play and party. We also,
sometimes, have civil war with all the intensity of a small
country.
But, I prefer to live far enough away that no one can move back
home very easily. There was a time when three of the four were
(in their opinion) grown-up and out on their own. I was both
working full-time AND going to college full-time.
When I got home at night, after evening classes, I never knew
how many people were going to be living in my house. (When the
remote opened the garage door, the first thing I did was look
for boxes.) And, however many it was would most likely be
sitting around the dining room table waiting for me to get home
and cook their dinner. Lazy little thugs!
So there you have it. Never let it be said I never shared my
family with you!
Next week, I think we'll begin somewhat deeper subjects. I've
been so distressed about the way our world's turning, lately, I
feel like I just HAVE to do something about it. What affects the
world sure as hell affects online business!
What can we do about it? Well, let's figure it out together!
Have a fantastic week, and ... Keep on Keepin' On!
jl
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